Happy September!!!!!! *dreamy sigh* don’t we all just loveeeee September??? I mean apart from the fact that a beautiful jewel was born this month *cough cough* me, there is just something special about writing 09 as the month when you enter in a date, maybe it’s just me?? loool k.
Heads up, I think today’s entry has a bit more raw emotion than most people are comfortable with but I also think if you’ve read a few of my posts you probably already know by now that I am sometimes that person – i figure no point in fluffing reality when we all go through struggles of some kind trying to live this life right. Just my thought. Okay, so here goes.
If I were to describe change, what will be the first words that come to mind? All my life I have shuddered in fear at the thought of change, shrunk back into a corner, eyes shut with my palms desperately trying to cover my face. As if the darkness and enclosed pace I tried to create would somehow shield me from the inevitable of this life – change.
By instinct, my first words for change will be this: I. hate. it.
I do not want it. I do not see the need for it. If the sky is already a perfect blue and the waters by your shores already calmly rippling, why move from there? Why go after a different reality that is uncertain?
I hate change. It feistily jabs jabs at all that you know; rips away the blanket of comfort you have found safety in and unwinds the strings that once perfectly wrapped your fragile heart. Then it demands that you start over – a completely new and different, sometimes stranger-in-a-foreign-land kind of start over. And to what end? For what reason? I hate it.
Those would be my first words for change.
Two years ago, I felt the Lord distinctly tell me at various times to “Come.” I believe He said He was calling me into the deep ends. The very bottom of the sea where the pearls lie. Recently, I have been wrestling with where I am now and where I thought the Lord was calling me when he said, “Come.” I knew it would be rough (because He promised that in His Word). What I didn’t imagine is how dry and deserted I would feel in this “new dawn” – as I felt God had called it. Indeed it has been change upon change. Joggling so many changes and different realities at the same time. Countless feelings of being in over my head at every point.
A month ago I told someone that I felt like a new mom who was failing at balancing being a wife and a mother. Here’s the thing: I am neither expecting a child nor am I even married (at this point I’m not even in a relationship LOL) but yet I remember the day I felt this way. All I could do to stop the tears from flowing was to hang my head up in a desperate attempt to win the fight against gravity’s pull on the tears.
Since God’s call to “come,” there have been a lot of hard days. A lot of questions – a lot of “mmm, ion know Lord.” But there have also been a lot of glimmers – glimpses of hope, reminders of God’s promises and His faithfulness in the past. There have been many wave crashes of the peace Jesus promised us; Countless evening walks in the garden with God – letting Him guide me, strengthen and nourish me and even open my eyes to see as He wills me. I will admit, these moments have led to even more beauty and intimacy with God as my Creator and Shepherd.
So here’s the thing, despite this, I still dislike change. If I could choose, I probably would not choose this “new dawn” again. But here is what also I know, if not choosing this new dawn meant not fully breaking out into who I was created to be, then in a heartbeat (and the help of the Holy Spirit), I would run head in to whatever change was coming.
One of my loveliest verses, Colossians 1 vs 17 says: “He [Jesus] is before all things and in Him all things together.” By default, I always rephrase this verse as “Christ is before all things and in perfect fit with Him, all things find their perfect, completed self.”
I think the scariest thing in life is never becoming your perfect, completed self. And I believe the changes God brings our way serve that very purpose.
I’m going to describe a biochemistry concept very quickly – stay with me, please. It will make sense, I promise (I hope LOL).
If you’ve ever heard of enzymes, these are protein molecules that speed up chemical processes that happen in our body to keep our body working efficiently. For an enzyme to be able to do this, it has to fit with its corresponding substrate to form a ‘complex.’ Without going into any detail, this “complex” is what can then achieve the processes to help our body work efficiently.
There have been many models to explain how enzymes and substrate come together to form this complex. I know of one that has been proven wrong and two that still currently hold. In both, some form of change in structure has to occur in the enzyme to allow the complex formed to be more stable. More stable complex = more efficient complex (remember this change in structure is what led to the more stable complex that goes on to achieve the processes that keep our body functioning).
This change in structure, usually called a “conformational change” is how I explain Colossians 1:17 above.
When we accept Jesus to pilot our lives, we “fit” with Him. And in order that we might become our perfect, completed self, able to steadily and effectively carry out work in His kingdom, we have to undergo various conformational changes. And these changes hurt. They involve a change in our inward self, “our structure,” to speak in biochemistry terms.
We are stretched and hard-pressed. In a test for malleability, we are beaten and bruised. And in a fit to make us purely refined gold, we are fed into the fire.
Indeed these changes are NOT FUN. Yet, they are as necessary as the oxygen that you hope will carry your next breath.
Here is a glimmer of hope:
To Him who is able to keep you from stumbling
and to present you before his glorious presence
without fault and with great joy." Jude 1:24
As you go through significant changes that seem to grip your shoulders and shake you to your core, remember this verse. The one who is changing you is more than able to hold your heart through it all and keep you whole – to bring you to your perfect, completed self. And if you read this post and can’t exactly relate to it or think I’m just being extra with my expression of words, that’s okay. I’ve learned that change comes in different degrees in different stages of life. And when you need the right words to change your perspective in a certain stage of life, I trust God to guide you to them.
Okay, that’s what I got 🙂 I hope you get to mull over these words and draw some sort of encouragement from them. The One who calls you is faithful, stay close to Him.
Love you all! and be sure to enjoy the absolute best month of the year 😉
P.S. I would love to hear from you! Hit the “Leave a Reply” button below or email me at email@example.com. If you were blessed by this post, consider sharing on your social media or with at least one person to send encouragement their way. ❤