It’s 5 am and i’m lying awake in bed, lacking sleep (so annoying lol). In times like these, I do either of two things: reminisce past times or get very worried and agitated about things going on in my life. Usually the latter never goes well, LOL. Like I get very annoying: I start drawing up a plan of things I would have to do to fix or straighten out the things that don’t seem right. Of course, as a “list lover,” I start making a list of my next day’s activities and in my head if I can get those things done, my life will almost perfectly be on track again. And just to cut to the chase, it never ends well, looool. It’s funny thinking about it now. Time to cross off items on my list and unplanned circumstances start popping up, and that is the MOST annoying thing everrr; Unplanned events for someone who loves planning. Well you can guess that with those “unplanned pop ups,” I never really get to complete my planned activities, hence, i’m back to square one: get very worried and agitated about things going on in my life.
Ha! Anyways, this night is not like one of those nights, thankfullyyy! This night I’m actually so thankful to be awake, reminiscing the past. Looking back at my life and seeing God’s hand in it constantly. This night, thoughts of what is going on in my life came up as usual, but rather than get worried, it was just a sort of calm that came over me.
Recently, I was in a place in my life where I questioned God, I felt betrayed by Him if i’m being perfectly honest. I didn’t understand “why?” That’s all I wanted to know, “Why did this happen when You said You would rescue me when I call upon you, God?” And questioning God never goes without a depressing moment. I didn’t want to do anything. Literally, I wanted to stay home, cry and question God, maybe if I could question Him long enough He would give me an answer, right?…No, not really lol.
But you see that’s why I’m so thankful God is God, I mean He’s not a man (that would be a total disaster by the way). God in all His grace and mercy still met me where I was, hurt, broken and feeling betrayed. Somehow He still found a way to re-assure me that He is God. He is in charge and no “unplanned pop up” will ever change that. He took away all the voices of doubt and lies the devil was trying to make me believe.
I’m just so thankful.
I keep thinking of what I want to say and these are the only words coming to mind: “I’m just so thankful.”
Thankful for so many things, Thankful for the privilege to pray, privilege to trust Him. Thankful I am not where I used to be, ha, nope! I’ve come a longggg way. And sometimes I can’t really explain it but God has been faithful. He has broken off so many chains in my life, set me free in so many areas. I mean He has come through for me in A LOT of things. I’m just so thankful.
To be honest, I didn’t really feel like getting my laptop and typing this up at 5 am in the morning, but somehow I feel like someone needs this. I feel like someone is going through a season in their life and wondering how on earth they are going to make it, maybe even asking God why. I want to tell you that God is on your case. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have what I wanted in my life at this moment, but i’m pretty sure I have what God wants me to have and that’s more than enough for me, ’cause in the end, I want Him, I want God.
Whoever that someone may be, I pray God gives you the grace to accept His will. It’s hard I know, but that’s why His grace is there. I pray you find comfort in Him, He loves you and He wants the best for you. In moments like these we want to hear from God so badly but I believe it’s in these moments God wants you to speak out the words He has spoken to you in the past, and if you’re thinking “Uhh well He never spoke to me..” I pomise He did, He’s speaking to you every day in the bible. It’s in moments like these you need to minister the words of life God has given you in His word.
God is good, nothing in life will ever change that. No bad situation in our lives will ever change that, God is good, He can’t help it. So I pray in this moment, He gives you the strength to trust Him, to trust His will, to bask in His love, His everlasting love and find refuge in knowing that “EVERY thing WILL work together for your good”(Romans 8:28). I know God didn’t stammer when He spoke those words, so stop crying, find strength in them and trust Him.
Have a lovely week!